Commander has come back to Commanders Corner...!!!!!!!
have you been..??? Wot you been up to..??? Where's Commanders Corner ..???
Why is Big Brother coming back on channel 5..?? Where's The News Of The
World gone..??? How long is a piece of string ??? Whatever happened to
Nick Berry..?? What the f**k is 'The only Way is Essex'..?? all questions
everyone's been asking over the past few months well wonder no longer
my friends because all is going to be revealed now..............apart
from the Big Brother question cos i don't know the answer to that !! and
to be quite honest............ i don't really care !!! So.....where has
the Commander been?? well things have been happening in Badnessland over
the past few months and we've been a little busy, firstly Matt decided
to leave and join an American football team.............
one night in May we decided to nick the sun........
to top things off we came across a woman in June who'd decided to have
an arse transplant on her back..!!!
finally just a few weeks ago i mistakenly put a fork in the knife drawer
on the bus and confusion just took over.........in fact we only got over
it last Friday which was just in time to finally bring you the first 'Commanders
Corner' in over four months.!!!
So last time we spoke i believe it was in Spring time.....before the Royal
Wedding in fact which does seem ages ago now and we kicked off the month
of April strangely enough in the royal town of Bognor Regis at The Inglenook
Hotel where we were treated to probably the best Carvery I've ever had
in a pub........it must have been good cos i can still remember it and
believe me the Commander's memory box is not wot it used to be !!! The
following few weeks took us all over the place travelling up to Stockton-On-Tees,
then down to Rugeley in Staffordshire, the lovely town of Harrogate in
North Yorkshire was next then down again to our old favourite Hill Park
at Fareham in Hampshire, up again to Taunton in Somerset and ending up
at the 'seaside' at Fantasy Island in Skegness. As usual all excellent
gigs but unusually all Badness shows.....in fact out of twelve gigs we
had in April only one was a Shomaddymaddy show and that was the last one
of the month at the Grampian Club in Corby, Northamptonshire. Now i don't
know whether you've ever been to Corby but its like a mini Scotland !!
seriously there was a Scottish flag flying outside the club and nearly
everyone inside sounded like Billy Connelly!!!! (Strange...) really good
night though !! April 29th was a very special day as i'm sure you can
remember, i personally got up nice and early to get ready for it, invited
everybody down to the party i was hosting......have you guessed yet ??
of course..... it was my dog Brian's 3rd birthday !!!! so we had a little
party then settled down to watch a wedding that happened to be on telly
that day. Yes the Royal Wedding was all over the place wasn't it, all
over the world's media and have you noticed in America they all think
it's a f**king Walt Disney film !!! knob ed's !! I don't know where they
get that idea from....??????
heard it's all gone a bit 'Pete Tong' since the wedding though for the
Royal family, apparently William has got right into gardening...?????
Charles and his mam have turned their hands to modelling....????
i don't know what the f**ks going on with Harry....?????
thing we knew it was May which included three days on the Isle Of Wight
for us, which is always a good thing as we get to go on a boat, that was
the final Bank Holiday weekend of the month but before then we found ourselves
in various towns and cities across the Uk including a 'banging' night
in Blackpool at the very posh sounding Barcelo Imperial Hotel..!!! only
problem was i couldn't figure out how to get into the car park as the
shutter was down????
we went abroad and played at The BMC Club in Edinburg, fourth time for
us at this venue and always a great reception but they are a bit strict
on the folk they let in...???
brought us to our big adventure on the Isle Of Wight, Nodes Point Holiday
Park & Lower Hide Holiday Park as Badness and The Bembridge Coast
Hotel as the Madds right slap bang in the middle of em. Both Nodes Point
and Lower Hide are part of the Park Resorts chain and happen to have a
touring park on the site which is great for us as we just park the bus
up connect to the mains and Hey Presto............ Carry On f**king Camping..!!!
It's like being on holidy !!! The gigs are always 'mint' though but because
there's always a billion kids sat in front of me when i'm on stage...........
legs crossed, arms folded i tend to feel a bit like Brian Cant !! remember
him ??? Play Away..?? wot a gormless bastard he was !! I can hear all
the youngsters reading this now saying " What's he on about ? who
the f**k is Brian Cant...???" The Bembridge Coast gig on the Satdy
couldn't have been more different, no children whatsoever (they made an
exception for Jack of course) an avarage age of about 65........... and
the Madds dint let themselves down again, great gig to a really big audience
so there must have been nowt on the telly !!!
When we got back to the mainland we headed off in the general direction
of Norfolk (in chance)to play a couple of gigs in Hemsby near Great Yarmouth.
Summerfields and Hemsby holiday parks where the two gigs and we managed
to catch up with ex Bass player Jimmy Hargreaves at Hemsby as he works
June started off a little bit quiet..............................and pretty
much stayed that way and it wasn't until the middle of the month that
we found ourselves heading north once again to Scotland but this time
we were that far north we had to set off the day before !!! Twenty Four
hours later after a little snooze halfway up and after conquering a couple
of mountains and over a couple of lochs we arrived at The Camusericht
Lodge in the Scottich Highlands where we were performing at a big birthday
bash for the husband of former 'Tube' presenter Muriel Grey. Despite the
journey the gig was brilliant and we were treated like kings including
use of the sauna, the Roman bath and a first class meal to boot !! What
topped the night off for me was seeing Alexi Sayle dancing his arse off
to us on the dance floor as he was one of the guests !! Obviously we had
to get a photo with Muriel...!!!!
the show we set off straight away to our next gig.......................................................in
Brighton. Yes thirteen hours later we arrived in the gay capital of England
to perform at The Rendezvous Casino as Badness. As it was the weekend
of 'no rest' we set off once again straight after that show and headed
off back up to Great Yarmouth to perform at the Vauxhall Holiday Park.......
& guess who we were supporting....??? only Mr 'Ferry 'cross the Mersey'
himself and his band..........Gerry Marsden and the Pacemakers . So.........it
was time to get the camera out again......
a few more gigs taking us to Hayling Island in Hampshire, Felixstowe in
Suffolk and Ward Barracks in Wiltshire the sun finally went down on the
month of June.
As i said earlier a few thing have happened in Badnessland over the past
few months, firstly Jack has decided to leave the band and heads off to
the University of Guildford in September. I've got to say its been an
eye opener for me we've had some characters in the band over the years
and young Jack is no exception, he'll be well missed by all the guys and
we wish him well and hope he'll be very happy............................
i can't f**king see it myself !!!!
As its written in Badness folklore "the show must go on" and
Mr Paul Marshall our new drummer starts next month so looking forward
Also the Elves at Badness HQ have been hard at work and a brand new Badness
website is immanant ladies & gentlemen !! yes hopefully by the time
you log on to the next Commanders Corner you'll find it on a new website.......watch
Now i know you've all heard about Twitter and probably some of you follow
certain celebrities on Twitter but have you ever wondered how the name
Twitter came about or for that matter what it actually means ??? well
wonder no more my friends for i have found the answer..............
say i never tell you owt.. !!!
So before we knew it July arrived and it quickly became known as the 'outdoor
gig' month............... as we had a few 'outdoor gigs' that month. First
one was in the lovely little town of Holsworthey in Devon, as we arrived
we saw a huge stage set up in the town square and it turned out that's
where we were performing later that night. A huge crowd turned up about
two thousand to be exact and it ended up being a great night as well as
a strange one to say the least. As early as the following night was the
next outdoor gig as we found ourselves performing at the Brentwood Festival
across the other side of the country in Essex. Everything was going ok
and the weather was fine..................until 15 minutes before we went
on stage.....then the heavens opened and flooded the stage, all was not
lost though as ourselves and the band after us The Konmitments were moved
across to the beer Marquee and performed a somewhat shorter but thankfully
dryer set. A big thanks to the organisers though for their hospitality
that day and it was not long before we got the chance to perform at another
festival the following week. Dartford Festival to be exact and once again
we found ourselves on the same bill as Britains Got Talent contestants.........Michael
Collins (sang Fast Car by Tracy Chapmen), New Bounce (remember them ??)
and 'Mr Has been' himself Gareth Gates !! Luckily the rain stayed away
this time and everybody thought we were great !!! Other gigs in July took
us to The Gateway Caravan Park in Llanelli in South Wales, Flamingo Land
in North Yorkshire and a small run of Park Resort Holiday Parks up the
North East coast.
So that brings us right up to date and August looks like it's gonna be
a cracking month with a few more festivals for the Badness to appear at
including Tribfest and a nice little hop across the Channel to Eindhoven
in Holland to perform at the annual NIRWANA TUINFEEST................which
I'll tell you all about next month.
Once again it's great to be back and big Commander apologies if you've
missed me over the last few months and i promise it won't happen again.....................or
will it ??
last point..............never believe the first dodgy looking thing you
probably turn out to be purely innocent.
see you in September ( Yeh !!!! my birthday month !)
YOU FOR CALLING
MIND HOW YOU GO
THE F**K IS THAT ALL ABOUT......?????
HAS LEFT THE BUILDING .