Last Months Commander's Corner
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Welcome One and All to "Commander's Corner".......a monthly diary of events in the life of badness, written by the Commander himself.....Tune in every month to read about their adventures!!!!!

Monday 1st August 2011

FINALLY........................The Commander has come back to Commanders Corner...!!!!!!!

Where have you been..??? Wot you been up to..??? Where's Commanders Corner ..??? Why is Big Brother coming back on channel 5..?? Where's The News Of The World gone..??? How long is a piece of string ??? Whatever happened to Nick Berry..?? What the f**k is 'The only Way is Essex'..?? all questions everyone's been asking over the past few months well wonder no longer my friends because all is going to be revealed now..............apart from the Big Brother question cos i don't know the answer to that !! and to be quite honest............ i don't really care !!! So.....where has the Commander been?? well things have been happening in Badnessland over the past few months and we've been a little busy, firstly Matt decided to leave and join an American football team.............

Then one night in May we decided to nick the sun........

....and to top things off we came across a woman in June who'd decided to have an arse transplant on her back..!!!

....and finally just a few weeks ago i mistakenly put a fork in the knife drawer on the bus and confusion just took fact we only got over it last Friday which was just in time to finally bring you the first 'Commanders Corner' in over four months.!!!
So last time we spoke i believe it was in Spring time.....before the Royal Wedding in fact which does seem ages ago now and we kicked off the month of April strangely enough in the royal town of Bognor Regis at The Inglenook Hotel where we were treated to probably the best Carvery I've ever had in a must have been good cos i can still remember it and believe me the Commander's memory box is not wot it used to be !!! The following few weeks took us all over the place travelling up to Stockton-On-Tees, then down to Rugeley in Staffordshire, the lovely town of Harrogate in North Yorkshire was next then down again to our old favourite Hill Park at Fareham in Hampshire, up again to Taunton in Somerset and ending up at the 'seaside' at Fantasy Island in Skegness. As usual all excellent gigs but unusually all Badness fact out of twelve gigs we had in April only one was a Shomaddymaddy show and that was the last one of the month at the Grampian Club in Corby, Northamptonshire. Now i don't know whether you've ever been to Corby but its like a mini Scotland !! seriously there was a Scottish flag flying outside the club and nearly everyone inside sounded like Billy Connelly!!!! (Strange...) really good night though !! April 29th was a very special day as i'm sure you can remember, i personally got up nice and early to get ready for it, invited everybody down to the party i was hosting......have you guessed yet ?? of course..... it was my dog Brian's 3rd birthday !!!! so we had a little party then settled down to watch a wedding that happened to be on telly that day. Yes the Royal Wedding was all over the place wasn't it, all over the world's media and have you noticed in America they all think it's a f**king Walt Disney film !!! knob ed's !! I don't know where they get that idea from....??????

I've heard it's all gone a bit 'Pete Tong' since the wedding though for the Royal family, apparently William has got right into gardening...?????

Prince Charles and his mam have turned their hands to modelling....????

....and i don't know what the f**ks going on with Harry....?????

Next thing we knew it was May which included three days on the Isle Of Wight for us, which is always a good thing as we get to go on a boat, that was the final Bank Holiday weekend of the month but before then we found ourselves in various towns and cities across the Uk including a 'banging' night in Blackpool at the very posh sounding Barcelo Imperial Hotel..!!! only problem was i couldn't figure out how to get into the car park as the shutter was down????

Then we went abroad and played at The BMC Club in Edinburg, fourth time for us at this venue and always a great reception but they are a bit strict on the folk they let in...???

Which brought us to our big adventure on the Isle Of Wight, Nodes Point Holiday Park & Lower Hide Holiday Park as Badness and The Bembridge Coast Hotel as the Madds right slap bang in the middle of em. Both Nodes Point and Lower Hide are part of the Park Resorts chain and happen to have a touring park on the site which is great for us as we just park the bus up connect to the mains and Hey Presto............ Carry On f**king Camping..!!! It's like being on holidy !!! The gigs are always 'mint' though but because there's always a billion kids sat in front of me when i'm on stage........... legs crossed, arms folded i tend to feel a bit like Brian Cant !! remember him ??? Play Away..?? wot a gormless bastard he was !! I can hear all the youngsters reading this now saying " What's he on about ? who the f**k is Brian Cant...???" The Bembridge Coast gig on the Satdy couldn't have been more different, no children whatsoever (they made an exception for Jack of course) an avarage age of about 65........... and the Madds dint let themselves down again, great gig to a really big audience so there must have been nowt on the telly !!!

When we got back to the mainland we headed off in the general direction of Norfolk (in chance)to play a couple of gigs in Hemsby near Great Yarmouth. Summerfields and Hemsby holiday parks where the two gigs and we managed to catch up with ex Bass player Jimmy Hargreaves at Hemsby as he works there now.

June started off a little bit quiet..............................and pretty much stayed that way and it wasn't until the middle of the month that we found ourselves heading north once again to Scotland but this time we were that far north we had to set off the day before !!! Twenty Four hours later after a little snooze halfway up and after conquering a couple of mountains and over a couple of lochs we arrived at The Camusericht Lodge in the Scottich Highlands where we were performing at a big birthday bash for the husband of former 'Tube' presenter Muriel Grey. Despite the journey the gig was brilliant and we were treated like kings including use of the sauna, the Roman bath and a first class meal to boot !! What topped the night off for me was seeing Alexi Sayle dancing his arse off to us on the dance floor as he was one of the guests !! Obviously we had to get a photo with Muriel...!!!!

After the show we set off straight away to our next Brighton. Yes thirteen hours later we arrived in the gay capital of England to perform at The Rendezvous Casino as Badness. As it was the weekend of 'no rest' we set off once again straight after that show and headed off back up to Great Yarmouth to perform at the Vauxhall Holiday Park....... & guess who we were supporting....??? only Mr 'Ferry 'cross the Mersey' himself and his band..........Gerry Marsden and the Pacemakers . was time to get the camera out again......

After a few more gigs taking us to Hayling Island in Hampshire, Felixstowe in Suffolk and Ward Barracks in Wiltshire the sun finally went down on the month of June.

As i said earlier a few thing have happened in Badnessland over the past few months, firstly Jack has decided to leave the band and heads off to the University of Guildford in September. I've got to say its been an eye opener for me we've had some characters in the band over the years and young Jack is no exception, he'll be well missed by all the guys and we wish him well and hope he'll be very happy............................ i can't f**king see it myself !!!!
As its written in Badness folklore "the show must go on" and Mr Paul Marshall our new drummer starts next month so looking forward to that.

Also the Elves at Badness HQ have been hard at work and a brand new Badness website is immanant ladies & gentlemen !! yes hopefully by the time you log on to the next Commanders Corner you'll find it on a new this space.

Now i know you've all heard about Twitter and probably some of you follow certain celebrities on Twitter but have you ever wondered how the name Twitter came about or for that matter what it actually means ??? well wonder no more my friends for i have found the answer..............

.......don't say i never tell you owt.. !!!

So before we knew it July arrived and it quickly became known as the 'outdoor gig' month............... as we had a few 'outdoor gigs' that month. First one was in the lovely little town of Holsworthey in Devon, as we arrived we saw a huge stage set up in the town square and it turned out that's where we were performing later that night. A huge crowd turned up about two thousand to be exact and it ended up being a great night as well as a strange one to say the least. As early as the following night was the next outdoor gig as we found ourselves performing at the Brentwood Festival across the other side of the country in Essex. Everything was going ok and the weather was fine..................until 15 minutes before we went on stage.....then the heavens opened and flooded the stage, all was not lost though as ourselves and the band after us The Konmitments were moved across to the beer Marquee and performed a somewhat shorter but thankfully dryer set. A big thanks to the organisers though for their hospitality that day and it was not long before we got the chance to perform at another festival the following week. Dartford Festival to be exact and once again we found ourselves on the same bill as Britains Got Talent contestants.........Michael Collins (sang Fast Car by Tracy Chapmen), New Bounce (remember them ??) and 'Mr Has been' himself Gareth Gates !! Luckily the rain stayed away this time and everybody thought we were great !!! Other gigs in July took us to The Gateway Caravan Park in Llanelli in South Wales, Flamingo Land in North Yorkshire and a small run of Park Resort Holiday Parks up the North East coast.

So that brings us right up to date and August looks like it's gonna be a cracking month with a few more festivals for the Badness to appear at including Tribfest and a nice little hop across the Channel to Eindhoven in Holland to perform at the annual NIRWANA TUINFEEST................which I'll tell you all about next month.

Once again it's great to be back and big Commander apologies if you've missed me over the last few months and i promise it won't happen again.....................or will it ??

One last point..............never believe the first dodgy looking thing you see.

It'll probably turn out to be purely innocent.

I'll see you in September ( Yeh !!!! my birthday month !)